Okay, so this adventure started out rather normal. I was trying to make a fruit smoothie, and I wanted to add an orange. I reached in the fridge to pull out an orange. I stuck my hand inside the drawer, and I felt like something was gently biting my hand. My eyes popped open in surprise, but then I chalked it up to my BEEEYOUTIFUL imagination. I pulled out the orange and carried over to the blender. The orange opened it's mouth-WAIT, MOUTH?!?!? I screamed silently, then flailed epically about while the teeth stuck into my hand. No matter how hard I tried to shake the orange off, it still had its teeth embedded into my arm.
I wanted to save those darned kids from Cali's wrath. It was bad enough that she was tempting me with the idea of becoming a god. I lifted up the nearest kid and chucked it at Cali. The kid just sailed right past her head and landed in the pool below. Obviously I needed to keep studying to get into college because basketball was not my way in.
Yup. The kid did a bellyflop on the pool's bottom. Ouch....!!!
I am finally going to get revenge on those darned kids at the playground! It is mine! I get to have the treehouse, they can whine and cry on the slide.
Correction.
They will not put their grubby and filthy little hands all over My slide. It is a tube waterslide, and it is exactly one mile long. It goes around the whole neighborhood.
One day, a kid decided to break the rules and go down the slide. He looked a bit scared, and was making these stupid whining noises. I then shoved him so hard that skid marks were on the slide from where his pants had buttons.
I am really quite a gentle person, really. Why are you looking at me like that? It's true! Stop staring at my nose, I know it's noooottt growing at all.
The kid screamed and then said "Wooooohooo!" Apparently my shove had the opposite effect on him. Dang it! Now he's going to bring all of his diapered friends over and they are going to use the bathroom all over my slide!
Then my cold stone heart warmed for a second and I thought: "What if I was nice to them? Maybe I could be their role model!"
I smiled for a minute, breathing in the sweet summer air that had a hint of daffodils. Then my cold heart thawed, and a supernova came blasting out of me. I screamed as the madness and meanness was driven out of my body.
I had this cheesy smile on my face and I shoved kids one by one down the slide. They screamed in delight. In fact, they seemed to be having a good time!!!
The sky started to darken, and I thought, "Oh no, not another adventure!" A five-foot-three girl came down from a hole of clouds in the stormy sky. Lightning raced in and out of the clouds as if they were playing a deadly game of tag. "Who are you?" I yelled up at the sky. The girl laughed. "We have met before." She winced. "This form will take some getting used to. Stupid mortals..." She muttered under her breath. "I am Cali the Catastrophic, the most powerful being for controlling events. My specialty is controlling catastrophic events, hence my name." "Not you again..." This time it was my turn to mutter. Cali the Catastrophic flipped her fabulous curly hair and smiled. The smile hit me like a blow to the chest. It was her fabulousness. I was not up to her level in fabulousness. Ouch. That hurt my ego. My very BALD ego (since I have a bald head). "You can chose to come with me right now and rule the world-" and with a flip of her hand there was a parchement before me, displaying all of the world's kingdoms in their splediferous glory. I sucked in my breath when I saw the Nyan Cat kingdom. Oh boy would I love to rule that. Cali flicked her wrist and the worlds were gone. I felt like someone had ripped a knife out of my arm. "-Or you can stay mortal and die someday." She leaned in closer and my head started whizzing and popping. She smelled like a freshly cut apple. "Every day you are closer to death." Cali's words echoed in my head. "Death, death, death, death..." I smacked my head against my hand and the echo stopped and ran out of my left ear. I sure would love to be a supreme being. It would be amazing, controlling events and messing with people's futures. For a second an image of Hazel popped into my eyes. Her worried green eyes stared up at mine. She was in fiery chains, and a hulking guy dressed all in black was yanking her closer and closer into a swirling tornado of water and fire. "Gabelina-" was all she was able to say before she was screaming and falling into the swirling tornado. Right before I blacked out, Hazel's eyes seemed like they were staring right into mine. I could see flecks of gold and brown and mostly blue, but then her eyes turned red. Her teeth turned into fangs, and she leaned up close to my ear and said in a luminous melody: FEAR WILL BE YOUR ENEMY! Everything went black.........
Hazel and I stared at the sky as the last of the graceful arcing rainbows dissapeared into the clouds. We stared there for a minute, and my eyes filled up with tears, but then I stopped myself and reminded myself that I am an emotionless rock. But the tear came down the side of my cheek. Hazel saw, and she told me it was going to be okay. There was uncertainty in her voice. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and she took a deep breath and said, "Look!"
Sure enough, right in the clouds, was a rainbow message that said "Meow." I laughed and laughed, and then Hazel did too. I tripped and fell down the hill that was below us. I tumbled down the steep 100+ feet drop made of soft grass as Hazel fell right behind me. "Ahhhhhhh!!!!" I screamed, and she screamed too. Then I realized what a wonderful feeling it was to have emotion. I didn't care that tomorrow I was going to have bruises all over my body, I was going to live for now.
When I reached the bottom of the hill, it jutted out into the water. I tried to warn Hazel, but every time I tried to speak, my mouth filled up with grass. I just rolled up into a sitting position (using my awesome ninja skills, of course) and snatched Hazel off the ground. Her hair was a wreck, and her green eyes were wild with the desire to have more fun. Her clothes were grass stained, too. She had lost one of her earrings, and both of her shoes were gone. Anyone else would have thought she was a mess, but in my opinion, she was particularly beautiful.
"Why did you stop the fun?" She laughed.
"I stopped the 'fun' because of this sixty foot drop that would have killed you. Would that be fun? No." I stated bluntly. I didn't sugarcoat it, because then I would get a craving for a doughnut or any other kind of unhealthy food.
I grabbed Hazel by the waist and yelled "SuperMario!" (That was the randomest thing I could think of right then!) I blasted off the ground like a coke and mentos experiment gone wild. We blasted up over the clouds, and I threw her twenty feet in midair (I had sore arms for about three weeks after that) and caught her mid-flip.
I blasted off to my house back on the normal street, and busted open the door and swagged into the house like I owned it. "Fear me, meow! Rarrrrr!" I yelled. My mom and dad stared at me from the table. "Hey mom, do you know where this girl lives?" I asked like my mom knew all of the answers in the world.
She squinted at me. "I think she's the girl that lives in the house two houses down from ours!"
I cheered and led Hazel to her house, where I was celebrated as a hero and they even decorated a cake in my honor. I sliced open the middle of the cake and I found a note. It read:
Gabe,
I am very proud of you, saving me and Nyanette. Right now me and Nyanette are engaged! Sorry for cutting this short, but I am in the middle of a joyride in a hijacked alien spaceship!
I said nothing nin-JAAA!!!
Hazel asked me what it said. I said that it was a note from the cake bakers saying happy hero day!
I was so happy that I saved Hazel and that she was looking at me nicely (for once). Her hair had come loose from its ponytail prison, and arced along the ground in graceful brown waves.
"I never thought another human would save me from Mushroomola." She whispered.
"Unikhor looked like a bald potato." I joked.
We both laughed until we couldn't stop. Then Hazel's face fell, and I knew what was coming next.
"Where's Nyanette?" She practically shrieked.
"When I was rescuing you, I forgot all about Nyan Cat&Nyanette. They got b-b-blown up in the spaceship explosion." I stammered.
"Help me stand." Hazel asked.
It was very awkward, but she did stand.
"I-I-I'm sorry." I stuttered.
"No, look!" Hazel screamed in pure joy. I saw two cats blasting down to Earth with rainbows blasting out of their behinds. Yes, it was Nyanette&Nyan!
I was so excited that I lifted Hazel up into the air by her waist. I then realized what I was doing and put her down.
"Are we interrupting anything?" Nyanette asked and winked in my direction. I made a face and I promised she would pay for that later.
"....No." Hazel hesitated at first. "How did you make it out of the wreckage?"
Nyanette&Nyan chuckled. "Nyan Cat descendants live in space! We just live in space and then we fly down to Earth every once in a while."
I smacked my head with my hand. Why couldn't I have known?
"Gabelina, I have come to pay you a hello and goodbye. I have other missions far away in the galaxy to do. I will come and visit sometimes." Nyanette&Nyan meowed in perfect unison.
I was so caught up in Hazel's beauty that I forgot that I didn't know how to operate the spaceship. I hopped inside and it hit me like a flaming potato gone wild. I cleared my throat awkwardly and smoothed my (almost) bald head. "Uhhhhh....I want to...I mean-d-d-do you know.....lala...ahem.." I blubbered. Hazel wasn't fooled. She grabbed the nearest space suit from the wall and slipped it on. On went the head bubble, and she radioed in with the nearest space telescope. "Gah Dang...." She slammed the radio down in frustration. "I was trained on how to operate a four wheeler. Operating a NASA spaceship shouldn't be that much harder!" She said with a hint of doubt in her voice in which she quickly covered up with a cough. She pressed a blue button that was flashing, then turned several dials. "I believe I just turned the oxygen up. And I just started the engine."
This is the button that Hazel pressed.
The spaceship began to rumble. Hazel clutched the seat arms tightly and screamed. I comforted her as best I could with the most comforting words I had: "I made it here alive. We might not die." "MIGHT???" Hazel screamed. "I AM STUCK IN THIS SPACESHIP THAT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND YOU SAY 'WE MIGHT NOT DIE?'"Hazel screamed. Her face was turning pink in a way that I thought was oddly adorable. Just then, the spaceship plummeted downwards into a 180 degree drop. Nyan Cat screamed from the backseat.
This is What the Spaceship Looked Like:
The interior of the spaceship was in flames. The gas tank had ruptured, and Hazel was stuck in her seat because a metal beam from the ceiling had fallen on her. The heat was so intense that I felt like I was going to die. Hazel first, I thought. I grabbed at the metal beam that had fallen on her legs. She wasn't moving, but tiny circles of fog appeared on her head bubble. I breathed a sigh of relief. She was alive! I pressed "ESCAPE POD" and I grabbed the unconscious Hazel, leaped heroically over the burning flames, and landed in a complete split. "AAAAUUGGGHHH!" I yelled. That is what you get for not stretching EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.. I was inside the escape pod. Then I realized "Where is Nyanette and Nyan?" I yelled. I realized I had forgot about them. A tear formed in my stone heart. Ice came off in jagged pieces off of my stone heart. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled, and I clawed at the window, but the escape pod was already headed towards Earth. I landed on the ground. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Hazel was making no sign of movement, and she didn't have a pulse. I flung myself to the ground and my eyes filled with tears of anger and frustration. Why wasn't I more careful with her? And Nyanette&Nyan. I had killed them both. I felt like a heavy weight was weighing down on my heart. I looked up towards the sky. A faint poptart sprinkle fell from the sky. I jumped up and grabbed it, and held onto it for all I had. It was the last of Nyan Cat. Somehow, I had the notion to put it on Hazel. I removed her head bubble, and I placed it on her heart. For one still second, time stopped. I was in a bubble of peace with Hazel. Color spread from her heart up. Her cheeks turned a light pink, and color returned to her eyes. They were a light bluish green, and to me, they were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Hazel opened her eyes. "Gabelina...." She whispered in a faint voice. "Did you save me?" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" I yelled
Unikhor wanted that girl to stay. She was so beautiful. Plus, it would be better for him to strut around Mushroomola with the lady. Oh, and her name was Hazel.
I stared into the window. Hazel's gaze wandered around the room and settled on me. My heart stopped. She was beautiful. Absolutely stunning! She then started walking towards the door. I wanted to reach out and fly her away back to Earth. Nyan Cat was looking forward to meeting Nyanette Cat. Unikhor also wanted to use the girl's dazzling smile to persuade the citizens of Mushroomola that he should rule. That was the #1 reason why he wanted to keep her. I started walking away down the hall, trying to convince myself that I don't like girls very much and I get nervous around them. IT DIDN'T WORK!!! The girl opened the door and stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me. She looked for a while, then she tore her gaze away, Then she walked towards me. I stopped breathing. Nyan Cat tried to look cool putting on his sunglasses. Nyanette just smirked and covered it up with a dignified lick of her pure-white paw.
Hazel whispered into my ear: "You are human, right?" At first I was too shocked to answer. Then I tried to look cool by putting one hand against the wall and crossing my legs. "Of course I'm human!" I said in my most dignified voice I could possibly muster. Hazel raised an eyebrow. "You rescued Nyan Cat! Let's get out of here!" She whispered into my ear again. "There are security cameras everywhere! You can never be too sure of yourself!" She started walking away, and I grabbed her shoulder and yelled "WAIT!" Hazel looked shocked. Then it turned to arrogance. "What is it?" Her perfect wavy hair framed her face. I stared up into her eyes.
My Face Looked Like This:
Hazel's Face Looked Like This:
I used my SUPER STEALTH ninja skills to avoid the guards. Once, I saved Hazel's life! We were walking down the street in all black clothes, and Hazel had messed up her hair and smudged her perfect face with coal so we would look like all of the other citizens in Mushroomola. Nyan Cat turned into a poptart backpack, and Nyanette turned into a purse. I led Hazel to the NASA Spaceship.
I almost wanted to RAGE right there, knowing those pea-brained aliens wanted to use my all-time hero as bait! If I thought I was the one with the stone heart, I hadn't seen real stone hearts before, THIS is what they were. UNIKHOR threw a dart that hit right where I lived. I wanted to rip the dart out of the board and smash it into a million pieces. But, alas, if I did that, then the stupid aliens would find me. Nyan Cat looked depressed. One of the aliens suddenly raised its nose into the air and took three sniffs. "I smell blood....human blood." He rasped. "Oh please. Last time you smelled human blood it was actually chicken frying!" Joked another alien whose name read: 'Carabuncle'. "I'll check outside." Unikhor started walking towards the door, and I knew my fate was sealed. Just as he was about to open the door, another door from the office opened, and out stepped the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen, holding a stunningly pretty girl version of Nyan Cat. My jaw dropped open, and Unikhor turned sharply to look at her and smoothed back the three hairs on his head. The lady had light-brown hair that cascaded down her shoulders in playful, childlike waves. She was wearing a blue-green dress that matched her eyes perfectly, and her earrings were black, with little gems that were the same color as her dress. The leash that held the female Nyan Cat was black with diamonds every 5 inches or so. Her lips were a soft pink, and a slight smile was playing at the edge of her lips. And the odd part was: She wasn't an alien. She was HUMAN. She was so stunningly beautiful that no one paid attention to me anymore. The first words she said to Unikhor were: "You are about to see the last of me." Her voice rose up like a bird set free, flying higher and higher into the sky. The tune was soft, and as soon as she stopped speaking the listener had a strange longing for more of her luminous voice. The female Nyan Cat seemed to have the same effect on Nyan Cat. Unikhor looked like he was shocked. Then he regained composure and said "Wh-What-t-t d-d-d-you mean, dear?" "I have been trapped on Mushroomola for three years, and they have been three long years. My heart is on Earth," She turned to look at the Earth dartboard. Her face turned to a mix of confusion and anger. "What is this?" She shrieked. She pulled out all of the darts and stabbed them into the table, right next to Carabuncle's hand. "I am leaving Mushroomola. Earth is my home. You ugly little idiots do not respect it, so I cannot live with bum-headed aliens that don't care about the well-being of my planet or the critically endangered Nyan Cat species! You are going to use that poor cat in prison as bait? You are cruel and heartless!" The lady was almost at tears. "Hazel, now don't get upset over this!"
The sign already said that all ground-lickers will be fined twenty PopTarts. I didn't even have that many PopTarts! I wanted to scream "WHY??" But I just kept on licking the ground because it tasted so heavenly that I could not possibly tear my tongue away from such a delicious taste! I didn't even notice the Law Enforcement Officers coming up behind me. They ripped my tongue off the ground and said "TWENTY POPTARTS, NOW SIR! IF YOU CAN'T PAY THEN YOU WILL BE THROWN IN JAIL." I didn't have twenty PopTarts, so I just said I didn't have it. The Law Enforcement Officers looked like they had a bluish tint to their skin. Then I remembered that they were aliens. They weren't kidding about the "throw you in jail" part. I was literally picked up and thrown across the city of Mushroomola and into a chute into the top of the jail. I then looked around and noticed that I was in the exact same jail cell as Nyan Cat! I started to hyperventilate, since I loved Nyan Cat and I was seeing him twice in one day. "Did you come to rescue me?" he asked with a mournful look on his face.
This is how sad he looked. I felt really bad for him, so I started to sulk in a corner, which turned to violent sobs, and I was screaming "I WANNA GO BACK TO EEEEEAAARTH!"
So I devised a simple plan that involved Nyan Cat. I still had my armor with me, so I planned to make the kittens on the armor purr so hard that they blasted us both out of the chute. Then we would hijack one of the spaceships and blast back to Earth, Simple Enough. BUT GUESS WHAT??????\ It didn't work. I used my supremely hard head to bust open the bars of the concrete prison, and Nyan Cat followed me. Nyan Cat followed me down a sleek, modern-looking hallway when it turned a sharp corner and showed us the office of the V.I.L.L.A.I.N. Headquarters. We decided to eavesdrop. "-the secret spaceship." Said one of the greenish aliens. His name plate read 'Unikhor.' Not unicorn, but UNIKHOR. (Pronounced: you-NHEE-kore) "Nyan Cat is just a bait. Once the Earthlings find out that one of the top-secret government animals is on Planet Mushroomola, then they will come to rescue it. We use the exact coordinates of where they are coming from, and.....BOOM! Earth blows up. The end! We will be the most intelligent life forms after that. One of the aliens picked up a dart and threw it at a picture of Earth.
The Aliens Were Planning to Use NYAN CAT as Bait So They Could DESTROY Earth!
This was the dartboard that the Aliens were shooting at.
So, after three grueling hours of trying to fly a NASA spaceship, I finally landed on a planet. I didn't even care if I got attacked by rabid aliens, I was just glad to be on a planet.
"Foreign Planet Status: Oxygen: Habitable and stable. Terrain: Grassy with dramatically changing landscapes. View: Amazing. Food: Italian." The space-Siri read.
I busted open the spaceship's door and flung myself to the ground and started weeping violently. I hugged the ground (actually that sounds...pretty awkward)!
I looked up and around me. There were giant mushrooms that grew far beyond the greenish-tinted clouds. A pig with wings flew around the clouds, strumming a harp and singing a stupid song that sounded like "Row Row Row Your Boat!"
I stared up at the pig and I started to laugh. That was one of the stupidest things I have ever seen. I got up off the ground to explore. The ground felt just like grass, but I felt lighter, as if no bones were in my body. I wasn't floating, it was just a feeling.
I walked until I saw a street made of Jolly Ranchers. I love JollyRanchers, so I just started licking the ground. I didn't notice a sign that said: "No Ground-Licking, or you will be Jailed or fined twenty-two PopTarts."